Reid Kerr

OK, maybe … just maybe, let’s make the case that this wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to the Dallas Cowboys.

Hi, I’m Reid Kerr, eternal optimist in the face of constant overwhelming disappointment. Nice to meet you.

Let’s be honest here. At first glance, the hire of Brian Schottenheimer as the next head coach of the Dallas Cowboys isn’t exactly overwhelming. It’s not whelming at all really. It feels like going to a five-star restaurant with a wide menu of selections available, and somehow winding up with just … well, Brian Schottenheimer.

I mean, this hire was announced on a Friday afternoon. Traditionally, that’s where you dump bad news that you don’t want anyone to notice like “Ticket prices are going up” or “We’ve fired our general manager” or “We’ve settled the lawsuits and won’t have any comment going forward, now who wants pie?” But it still seems like a good time to ignite interest in the franchise.

And so what if they hired a guy who wasn’t on anyone else’s radar? I know he got as many outside head coaching interviews as I did, but he’s been an offensive coordinator several times before. For years, really, and even though he never got a head coaching job before now, we shouldn’t hold it against him. If you’re looking for a guy who can get you to the championship game, Schottenheimer has done that before. Twice. Almost 15 years ago. And lost both. While working for Rex Ryan, who was also available for interviews and didn’t get a call, just saying.

He’s been the offensive coordinator in Dallas for two years, and for one of those they were a top-five offense. Spoiler alert, definitely not this year. But still, two years ago the Cowboys let Kellen Moore walk, and he’s the offensive coordinator for the NFC Champion Eagles. And last year they let Dan Quinn leave, and he got Washington to the NFC title game. If they don’t promote the next guy up, he might leave and win a Nobel Prize somewhere else next season and make the Cowboys look foolish, and we can’t have that.

We all know how Jerry Jones usually loves to promote his own guys. And you know what hiring the guy who was already there means? That’s right, Jerry won’t have to pay for any moving expenses. That’s a cool thousand bucks the Cowboys can keep. That should lower season ticket prices right off the bat. And even better, since Schottenheimer has been there for a couple of years, you won’t have to worry about him getting lost in the building. I remember back when Jerry hired Chan Gailey, Chan got so confused at Valley Ranch one day he accidentally took the wrong route out of his office, went out the back door and accidentally stepped aboard a bus to El Paso. That kind of lost-time mishap won’t happen with Schottenheimer, and that’s an advantage that the national media won’t tell you about.

And let’s face it, he’s loved in the building already. One of Schottenheimer’s biggest supporters is Dak Prescott! You guys love Dak. Social media is absolutely full of comments about how beloved Dak is, and how the future is wide open with him at quarterback, and how his contract is an absolute bargain. Pairing the highest-paid quarterback in the league with a first-time head coach is always a great idea, right?

In the NFL, much as in life, the odds of success and failure are never 100%, and never zero either. So while we can certainly look at this situation and say it probably won’t work, who really knows? But of course, “Who Really Knows?” would make the worst season ticket renewal slogan ever.

No picks this week, because I refuse to have anything to do with the Pro Bowl, and I advise all sports fans to do the same. In the Championship round I went 2-0, and 1-1 against Vegas. I’m now 7-5 and also 7-5 against the spread so far in the playoffs, which means no matter how dumb I am next week, I’ll have a winning record. In my defense, I didn’t realize Saquon Barkley was going to go through the entire postseason ripping off long runs like Adrian Peterson at Palestine in 2003. Lesson learned there.

Next week we’ll get to the actual Super Bowl, assuming the Cowboys don’t do anything else on the far side of crazy before then. Good luck, everybody.