Reid Kerr

Leave it to Jerry Jones to highjack the NFL offseason, right the in middle of the playoffs.

Quick recap for anyone who’s been in a coma for the last week, the Cowboys finished the season with coach Mike McCarthy at the end of his five-year contract. Jerry Jones made comments that implied McCarthy would be back, then denied him official permission to interview for other jobs, then announced he wouldn’t be back, thus opening up the Cowboys job more than week after all of the other jobs opened.

Say what you want about Jerry Jones, and I know we always do, but the man knows how to own a news cycle. Opening weekend had six playoff games, all of which were immediately overshadowed by the Dallas Cowboys coaching situation, or complete lack thereof.

All of the talk is suddenly about who will take over the team (Deion? Kellen Moore? The ghost of Tom Landry?)and somehow, we’ve just skipped past how insane this situation is. Generally speaking, you don’t get rid of someone unless you already know who is going to replace them.

In business, this is what’s known as “a plan.”

I feel like Cowboys management still feels like there are “500 coaches who could coach the Dallas Cowboys,” as Jerry so famously said three decades ago. That worked exactly once, and only because Barry Switzer had the team assembled by Jerry and Jimmy Johnson through the biggest draft pick haul in NFL history.

Since then? Opinions vary.

Cowboys fans, I feel your frustration. And honestly, I don’t know where this goes. The Cowboys job, on paper, is the best available opportunity. Of course, NFL games aren’t actually played “on paper,” so that doesn’t help much. Even the Jets could win games on paper.

Dallas has undeniable talent on both sides of the ball, a decent salary cap situation, and a crazed fanbase. Literally the biggest question facing any prospective head coach is “Can I work with the Jones family?”

Not everyone can, especially veteran coaches who have experience working with front offices, and can spot a bad situation a mile away. That’s why Jacksonville is not a prized opportunity, and Dallas will probably take one of two paths. They’re either getting a young coordinator who doesn’t have the options to push for control, or a coach who knows and understands the Jones dynamic, and won’t mind playing for the only owner in the league who does postgame press conferences that draw more attention than yours.

My money is on Kellen Moore. Jerry loves to prove himself right, and Moore is another guy who worked his way up through the organization that Jerry can claim is a homegrown success. But really, who knows? Predicting what the Cowboys will do is like trying to figure out quantum mechanics, or making sense of the career choices of Nicolas Cage.

Short answer? Good luck with all that, Cowboys fans.

Time for my Divisional round picks. In the Wild Card week I went an uninspiring 3-3, and the same against Vegas. In my defense, I didn’t realize that the Texans were going to pick off Justin Herbert like he was the second coming of Kirk Cousins. Lesson learned there. Here’s my picks. As always, these are for the purposes of comedic discussion only. No wagering.

Houston (+8.5) at Kansas City: C.J. Stroud is already the Texans all-time leader in playoff wins, surpassing the career totals of legendary quarterbacks like T.J. Yates, Davis Mills, and Ryan Castle. Also, I made one of those names up and you didn’t catch it, because the Texans don’t have much of a playoff history.

Pick: Chiefs to win and cover, winning by nine points or more.

Washington (+9.5) at Detroit: This chess match between Dan Quinn and Dan Campbell has the potential to get crazy. We might not see a punt. One of these teams might go for it on fourth-and-39 in the first quarter. Someone might fake the coin flip. Anything could happen.

Pick: Lions to win but not cover, winning by nine or fewer points.

LA Rams (+6.5) at Philadelphia: This is a tough one to pick because when I go down my playoff checklist, the Eagles have all the traits I look for. They’re at home, they run the ball really well, and they control the line of scrimmage on defense. However, I have to mark them down a few points for a major injury, a coaching staff I don’t trust, and their top receiver turning the bench into “Reading Rainbow” during a Wild Card game. And if I’m being honest, I didn’t even have a box to check for that last one.

Pick: Eagles to win but not cover, winning by six or fewer points.

Baltimore (-1) at Buffalo: The game of the week, this one will be a no-holds-barred steel cage match between two MVP candidates. But unless one of them can beat Mahomes and the Chiefs for the first time in the playoffs, this one is still just for the Intercontinental Title.

Pick: Ravens to win and cover, winning by two or more points.

I’ll also take Ohio State over Notre Dame, and be angry at both of those teams to make me choose one to root for. Good luck, everybody.