Conversations about health and weight sometimes happen in the least expected places. Last week while watching the TV drama “Being Mary Jane,” I was surprised to see the title character address obesity and its consequences.

The show’s namesake learned that her adult niece — who temporarily lives with her—was eating a large amount of junk food and hiding its wrappers under her bed.

The niece, who is overweight, denied that she had a weight problem, instead proclaiming that she’s just “thick.”

The short dialogue was blunt and somewhat critical of women who are happy with a large body size. This episode made me wonder about the best way to approach this topic. Should addressing obesity be a frank wake-up call or be dealt with delicate hands?

Local registered and licensed dietitian Sara Upson said the best way to help a loved one who is obese is to be accepting and encourage healthy behaviors.

“If you are truly concerned about a family member’s weight the most important thing is to not shame them,” she said.

Ms. Upson said shame often increases the behavior of using food for comfort or to cope. It’s the opposite of what a concerned family member would want.

Suggestions about nutrition, physical activity and making sure the person is taking care of their mental health and getting adequate sleep should be the focus, Ms. Upson said.

While Mary Jane slammed her niece and other women who downplay their large size as culturally acceptable, she at least took the initiative to exercise with her and showed her how to cook nutritious meals. The niece seemed to appreciate the help.

“We know that by changing these behaviors overall, health will increase whether or not weight changes,” Ms. Upson said. “Typically though, weight change will follow these behaviors. Research suggests that by focusing on health while providing weight-accepting messages, shame is reduced. For example, ‘I love you just like you are, but I am really concerned about your health and well-being.’ Notice there is no emphasis on size or appearance.”

Ms. Upson noted that there is a deeper issue when someone is hiding food.

It’s important to find out why they do it.

“One thing to keep in mind, is that complete elimination is not the answer as this only leads to more sneak eating, more intense feelings of shame or guilt and more eating,” she said.

For children, the need to be sensitive is even greater. They also need to learn how to accept themselves at any size and pushing a diet will not help. In fact, they are more likely to gain weight if forced to follow a diet, Ms. Upson said.

“Whether it is an adult or a child, you cannot force them to change,” she said. “You should meet them where they are at and provide adequate support and structure. Attempting to force change only exacerbates the need for sneak eating and promotes shame.”